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Post by Phizz on Aug 27, 2013 18:28:05 GMT
Here's one I saved from the old boards
A Blessing for All Horatians
May your Cds never scratch or skip,
May your bookstore always have a supply of Forester novels,
May you never meet a man like Simpson,
May you find friends as wonderful as Archie Kennedy,
May you always work with men as loyal as Matthews and company,
May your superiors always be like Captain Pellew,
May you always find women like the Duchess,
May you always find men as noble as Horatio,
May you always eat fresh chicken,
May you never find any “bad frogs”,
May you always serve as an “inspiration” to those around you,
May your rations never be cut,
May your ship never be becalmed,
May your courage and strength always be indefatigable,
May you always have a reason to stand atop a yardarm and smile,
May the message board always welcome you, and,
Long may someone continue the Hornblower series!!
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Post by Farmoreuncertain on Aug 27, 2013 18:29:54 GMT
Always a joy to see the Horatian Blessing.  Thanks, Phizz. Fmu |
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Post by Phizz on Aug 27, 2013 18:33:18 GMT
Always a joy to see the Horatian Blessing. Thanks, Phizz. Fmu You're welcome! I'll try and post some of the old ones that I have in paper (may take a while!) ~Phizz |
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Post by Phizz on Aug 27, 2013 19:08:27 GMT
Here's another oldie, but goody
The Indefatigable Magazine Rack
By Bev F.
While passing my local newsstand the other day, I notice some magazines I thought might interest the crew of the Indefatigable. What do you think?
The National Seafarer
Man Bites Rat
Miracle in the Hole - man emerges cleanshaven after lengthy ordeal
Does Archie have a sweetheart?
Duchess revealed as fraud
Playsailor
Exclusive centerfold: Duchess raises skirts
Visiting France? Try our dating tips
The Playsailor Advisor answers the question: If you haven’t seen a woman for 6 months, is it normal to froth at the mouth?
Playduchess
Poll of the Month: Do you prefer your men with stubble?
Check out our double centerfold. Both Hornblower and Bunting bare their chests
Do frilly nightshirts turn you on - a Panel Discussion
New fiction: What really happened between Horatio and Mariette?
Naval Confession
Conversations with a Midshipman - Duchess reveals all
French peasant girl sobs “I spent the night with a sailor and nothing happened”
Seamen in prison - the untold story
Hornblower’s mother admits “How I make my living”
Frigate Journal (formerly the Wall Street Journal)
Rice futures soar as entire cargo sinks
Planning your financial future - prize money not a sure thing
Inflation skyrockets - lieutenant’s uniform now 11 pounds
Trade deficit rises after large food purchase from Oran
Gourment Galley
Recipes of the Month:
Compote of squashed fruit
Mixed grill of frogs and lobsters
Ten top chicken recipes
The ultimate bullock cutting chart (choice cuts marked in red)
The secrets of burgoo revealed
Martha Stewart’s Onboard Living
How to serve a 10 course dinner using only moldy cheese and maggoty biscuits
How to use your neck cloth as a napkin
Grow oranges in seven colors
For you Snotties: handcraft you very own barf bag
Brighten up your sleeping quarters - decorate your hammock
And that’s a good thing!
Cannons and Ammo
Tip of the month: Always cock your pistol
The secret of instant range-finding revealed - by the Indefatigable at the Muzillac beach
“Fire!” Learn to project your voice for greater effect
Shipboard
This week’s new #1 hit - “The Guillotine Drumroll” by Mad Moncoutant and his Merry Men
An instant hit on the A&E Message Board - The Beatles sing Hornblower
This just in: Alcohol may be a factor in the shooting death of superstar fiddle player Clayton, whose latest release “The Hornblower Hornpipe” recently peaked at #1
Entertainment Fortnightly
Special issue: This summer’s blockbuster plays, featuring Kitty Cobham in the Rivals
An unprecedented stay at #1 on the Best Seller list by Norie’s Epitome of Navigation and Clarke’s Complete Handbook of Seamanship is believed due to the impending examination for Lieutenant
Frigating
Puzzle of the month: Dismasted - with Dover cliff under your lee
Ten tips for finding England
Fix that hole!
What to do if you lose your compass
Seaman’s Home Journal
The secret to great hair - using only seawater
Special pullout section - Complete stain removal guide, guaranteed to work on u-nee-form pants
Bonus this month:
The Complete Guide to Dinner Parties
The Complete Guide to Carving
The England Journal of Medicine
The Plague - 3 weeks quarantine now shown to be sufficient
Rat Bites - are plasters the answer?
Sprained ankles - new treatment get patients up and running faster
The new “bent in two” syndrome is found to respond to loving care
Psychology at Sea
Ten ways to tell is you’re a psychopathic bully
Are you ready to command? Take our self-help quiz
Can hunger lead to self-destructive behavior - The Bunting story
When officers cry
Eight Bells (formerly Time)
Person of the year: The Chicken
Landings at Quiberon and Muzillac repulsed - heads will roll
GQ (Gentleman’s Quarterdeck)
Horatio Hornblower: new man from top to toe - now the standard by which we must measure ourselves
The Complete Hat Primer
Ten ways to tie your neck scarf
Captain (formerly Parent)
Stretch those half-rations - maggots a good source of protein
Discipline - spare the lash and spoil the crew?
Ten great ideas for skylarking on deck
When you love one child more than the rest
Naval Sports Illustrated
New sport added to Olympics: Papillon Triathlon - Mast Climbing, Yardarm Walking and Ocean Diving
Race between Hornblower and Bunting ends on sad note
Horatio Hornblower pumping iron in training to lift Archie
Dreadnaught rowing team brings home the beef
If anyone out there can find more, I’m sure the crew would be appreciative
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Post by Phizz on Aug 27, 2013 20:23:34 GMT
One more from the WayBack Machine!
Now open: Mathews’ Shirt Ship
By Bev F.
My husband and I operate a custom embroidery/sportswear/souvenir shop (for real!) So when Mathews came to us with his idea for a Short Ship, we were eager to help him out. Mathews has been concerned for his future (although he is deluded in thinking that owning your own business is the road to riches, but that’s another matter!) His pay is miserable, his pension plan worse, and his chances for any prize money practically nonexistent (as his commanding officer seems to lose every prize ship he gets his hands on)
So we are proud to announce the opening of Mathews Shirt Ship. Hurry on down for best selection. The first hundred shoppers will be given a celebratory tot of rum.
Please note: All shirts are available in the following sizes: Half-ration, Regular, Starchie Archie, Mr. Tapling.
Shirts are guaranteed sun and seawater fast. Some touchup with the steward’s flatiron may be necessary.
The signature shirt of the collection: The Traditional Mathews Striped Jersey
-also available in vertical strips for those who wish to appear slimmer.
The “Happiness is” line:
-Happiness is standing on top of the yardarm
-Happiness is eating freshly slaughtered bullock
-Happiness if not having the plague
-Happiness is knowing your dispatches are safe
-Happiness is being able to shout “It’s the Indy!”
“Pithy Oneliner” line:
-I said it and I mean it!
-Well done indeed!
-Put the chicken back, Styles!
-Fish for it!
-Row, you Beauties!
-Oh Dear!
-Not Worth the Powder!
The Young Naval Hero frilly night-t-shirt
Made of 100% ringspun brushed cotton - guaranteed supersoft against sun, wind, and seawater-chapped skin. 1 size fits all. Take advantage of our limited time 2-for-1 Shore Leave Special! Available in the following prints:
-I’m Mariette’s Teddy Bear (other name drops available)
- No Bunny does it Better
-100% Snuggable
-No bear hugs - I’m sleeping
-I’m so cute there ought to be a law
The Tropical U-nee-form shirt:
Never swelter in those hot woolen uniforms again! The ideal shirt for young officers serving in hot climates. Your entire upper torso uniform screen-printed front and back on cool 100% cotton. Former prisoners of war have raved about these shirts - they are easily washable in your drinking water and dry quickly. We also recommend them for lengthy stays in the Hole.
-Available in Midshipman and Lieutenant styles.
The Whist Party Pack:
Consists of four white t-shirts with the rules of whist imprinted on the front
-comes with two decks of cards and two pistols, in case a duel follows
One of a kind Art Shirts:
The Fruit Abstract Shirt. Each shirt displays a wonderful abstract design consisting of various fruit colors foot-stomped into the fabric. No two alike.
Scratch and Sniff version also available.
The Blood Line:
-The Simpson Shirt: Bloodstain in front
-The Mariette Shirt: Bloodstain in back - also available in potato sacking
-Exclusive to the Shirt Shop: From the Guillotine Artisans of Muzillac: The French Peasant jersey - featuring cut-off neckline with red trim.
-The Bunting Flogging Shirt: This features full front and back coverage with a delightful red on white crisscross flogging design. No two alike.
All shirts guaranteed blood fast.
The Simpson Tattoo Shirt:
-Creep out your friends! Wear this faithful reproduction of Simpson’s wonderful primitive art tattoo, silkscreened full front. Let them experience the emotions that swelled through Horatio when he saw that hand on the gunwhale. Also available: Glow in the Dark version.
The Somewhat Nekkid Statue T-shirt of the month series:
-Direct from Florence! Hand chosen by the Duchess with help from Capt. Pellew. These 4 color process print shirts are real works of art. Order now and get your first shirt half price. Buy the whole series and receive a free Duchess fan! Must be at least 21 years old to order (Sorry, Horatio!)
Rules:
-Horatio Rules! - for heros
-Archie Rules! - for heros-in-training
-Capt. Pellew Rules! - for leaders
-Simpson Rules! - for bullies everywhere
-Mr. Bracegirdle Rules! - (what the heck does Mr. Bracegirdle do anyway?)
-Mariette Rules! - by popular demand this style has been suddenly terminated and will be replaced by:
-The Duchess/Kitty Cobham Rules! (This shirt reversible) - for real women everywhere!
The Posters’ Corner:
-I Post, therefore I am
-To post, or not to post, that is the question!
-So many posts, so little time!
-Horatians Rule!
Miscellaneous:
-My crewmates went to Moncoutant’s World and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
-Dungcarts happen!
-Just FROGet it!
-Whist players always have a trick up their sleeve!
-I survived the Hole!
-Sailing: This is the life!
Now available: the first offering in the Styles’ Stern Sticker line:
-I brake for chickens!
If you can’t drop into our handy roving location, place an order from the Hornblower catalog or the Ship Shopping Channel. We accept pounds, gold coins and chickens. We do not accept personal checks drawn on the chance of future prize money.
When ordering, add 10% to total, for insurance in case the supply ship sinks.
No returns on bloodstained items (if the blood is yours)
Please note: The Shirt Ship Design Team needs your ideas! Submit them now!
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Thanks, Phizz. 
